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Koyasu's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | Koyasu Takehito - A Tribute To His Talent and Beauty ]
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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Letting go is never easy [08 May 2005|07:13am]
[ mood | indescribable ]

To most of you, this will seem absurd. (If anyone actaully reads this thing. I haven't updated in forever, so if you stopped, I can't say I blame you.) But sometimes liking something becomes so painful, it's best to just let it go.
You see, I have a very obsessive personality. I've been that way my whole life, and only now am I realizing what a burden and a pain in the ass that can be. I still like anime, and especially Koyasu-san. But it has gotten to the point where my interest has become all consuming. I've lost friends and sleep, and spent far too much time worrying about things that just don't matter in the grand scheme of my life.

I still like anime and Koyasu. You can't just force yourself not to like something. But when what started as a casual interest causes such emotional pain, you know that it is time to step back. Besides, I have a wonderful life here with my husband and our son. That's what really matters.

Oh, and happy Mother's Day to me.

2screws| Stick it in

Another fic you won't read... [03 Jun 2003|11:55am]
[ mood | apathetic ]

But I'll tell you about it anyway. It's called "I Was A Teenage Pimp", and it's pretty twisted. Guess which one of our boys is the pimp.

1screw| Stick it in

[05 May 2003|08:21am]
[ mood | energetic ]

Happy 36th birthday to Koyasu Takehito!!! Here's hoping Seki Tomokazu gives him something good. ~_^

3screws| Stick it in

For those who give a rat's ass... [30 Apr 2003|11:47am]
[ mood | tired ]

Or, better yet, Koyasu's ass. hehe...I updated forced Finale. Reviews are apprechiated.

Oh! I also put a pic of my son (now six weeks) on my site. Kind of out of place in a Koyasu shrine, but I really don't care. I need to show him off. :-p
It's in the "me" section.

2screws| Stick it in

Did you miss me? [30 Mar 2003|04:21pm]
[ mood | maternal ]

I know it's been forever since I posted here. I wonder if anyone even has me on their friends list anymore. hmm...Anyhoo, for those who are wondering, I've been absent here because of something painful that happened with an ex friend that I don't feel like going into, and she had an LJ. But some wonderful things have happened to me since my last post. For starters, I got married. ^_^ And on Wednesday, March 19th, 2003, at 3:06am, I gave birth to our son William. He weighed 6lbs 7oz at birth and is such a beautiful boy! He looks like a perfect blend of Asian (from Dave) and white (from me). If you would like to see pictures, e-mail or IM me (AIM: SekixKoyasu). Also, if you'd like to read more about my life lately, check out my Xanga blog. I update it every couple weeks. http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Koyasu
One more thing before I go. I have a new site. Did it myself. http://koyasu_luvs_seki.tripod.com

4screws| Stick it in

My dearest friend in the world [16 Aug 2002|07:54am]
[ mood | grateful ]

My best friend Sarah is leaving for China soon. She'll be teaching English there for four monthes. Lucky girl! She's spent this past week up here in Michigan visiting family and friends. It's been nice spending all of this time with her. She understands me like no one else in the world can. All of a sudden, my entire life is changing. I'm getting married, I'm moving to a different state, I'm having a baby...sometimes it's all so overwhelming. But she's been a real comfort. She believes that I will be a great wife and mother, and that the experience will change me for the better.

We had a lot of fun yesterday, despite the sad underlying knowledge that we won't be seeing eachother again until March, when I have my baby. We wrote a mock movie trailor for a film about Seki and Koyasu's love story. It was really cheesy, but that's the point. My favorite part:

Narrator: It was a love of epic proportions.

Koyasu: (eyes wide) Oh! Tomo! It's so HUGE!!!


In addition to our sillyness, we just talked and cried. We're both at places in our life where things are changing in big ways. We're both scared. But we know that we can always depend on one another, even when there is no one else to depend on.

1screw| Stick it in

[12 Aug 2002|09:43am]
[ mood | satisfied ]

I have another journal now. I'll still post in this one, just not as often. LJ has really been pissing me off lately. I log in, and then, when I decide to update my journal or comment in a friend's, it makes me log in AGAIN! Grr...So anyway, I have a journal at xanga.com now, which will be my primary journal from now on.

6screws| Stick it in

[11 Aug 2002|01:13pm]
[ mood | numb ]

I'm going to have to say goodbye to an old
friend. Not forever. At least I hope it won't
be forever.

Let me explain. A few monthes ago, we had a
VERY minor disagreement. That, in and of
itself, was not a big deal. What hurt was that
she was questioning my character. I don't know
if she realized then how much that hurt me. I
am a good, honest person, with the best of
intentions. You'd think that she would know

Still, I felt a sister-like love for this
friend. I figured, "let her think what she
wants about me. I'm sure she still cares about
me just as much."

But it wasn't easy. I felt queasy every time I
called her. It also seems that it was always me
that did the calling. And she was rarely home.
I knew that she was busy with work, and having
some family problems, so I tried to be
understanding. But, when I would try e-mailing
her, I seldom got a response. Thing is, I
noticed that, while she didn't have time to
answer my e-mails, she had plenty of time to
update her journal and post in forums.

Slowly, I came to the realization that maybe
she wasn't all that comfortable in the
friendship either. I don't know. Perhaps she
realized how much she had hurt me, but I doubt
it. I don't know what happened. To tell the
truth, I don't WANT to know. I don't want to
think about this or talk about this anymore.

I still love my friend. I love her so much that
it pains me to say this, but...I need a break.
I don't want to end the friendship, because I
truly believe that it is worth holding on to.
However, at this time, there is just too much
pain involved. For both of us, I think.

Dear friend, if you are reading this, please
don't be angry at me for posting this in my
journal. I doubt that anyone knows who I am
talking about. I only posted it here because I
never know if you even read my e-mails anymore.

Rest assured that I don't hate you. But there
is a lot of hurt between us, and we need time
to heal.

Please don't try contacting me about this. I'd
like it if our break could start now. I will
not go dragging your name through the mud. And
I certainly won't tell any of our mutual
friends to stop talking
to you. Remember, I love you. I always will.
One day, I hope that we will come together

Stick it in

[11 Aug 2002|09:32am]
[ mood | cynical ]

This song pretty much sums up how I'm feeling:

I Don't Care

Walking through the rooms in my head,
I came across your image.
You looked at me with that sweet smile and said
something they won't let me repeat.

We hurt the ones we love the most.
It's a subtle form of compliment.

I don't care if you talk about me.
I don't care if you write it all in stone.
Whenever I fall, I land on my feet.
I don't care.
I just don't care, no.

Mark the spot you hate with an "x",
then shoot your bow and arrow.
Do your worst, get it all off your chest.
I'll hold my breathe and swallow.

We hurt the ones we love the most.
It's a subtle form of discipline.

I don't care if you talk about me.
I don't care if you write it all in stone.
Whenever I fall, I land on my feet.
I don't care.
I just don't care, no.

I don't care if you act like a queen.
I don't care if you take it out on me.
I've got nine lives and I land on my feet.
I don't care.
I just don't care, no.

Stick it in

[11 Aug 2002|06:17am]
[ mood | blessed ]

Yesterday, my best friends in the world, Sarah and Cat, came over. I've been friends with Sarah for nearly 11 years now. She introduced me to her cousin Cat a couple years ago, and we clicked just as well.

It was really great having them over. Being cooped up in the house all week (damn morning sickness!) can really depress you. So having them around was kind of healing. They are the kind of friends who are good for your physical and emotional health. You can cry together, and they'll still be happy when good fortune comes your way. Plus, like me, they are major yaoi sluts. ^_______^

Stick it in

I miss it [09 Aug 2002|10:04am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I'm an anime fan from way back. Ever since I was a teenager. (I'm 26 now, so I must seem like an old woman to a lot of you) Call me selfish, but I miss the days when anime was still a fairly obscure phenomenon. I know it still pretty much maintains a cult following, and most people still don't "get it", but...I feel like this wonderful secret has been taken away from me.

I am a dork. :-p

3screws| Stick it in

[08 Aug 2002|11:20am]
[ mood | sad ]

Today has not been a good day. Damn hormones! I really feel like I'm losing my mind lately. I cry for no good reason. I don't think you'd undestanding unless you've been pregnant, though.

But it just hit me. I DO have a good reason to cry today. It's been 11 years since my granfather died. He was only 62. I miss him. His funeral was in Eden, VT, where he grew up. On the way home from , we made a stop in another state to visit my friend. A friend who...*cries*...well, I may talk more about that later. Then again, maybe not...

3screws| Stick it in

It's here at last! [06 Aug 2002|04:46pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

My friend and Isa and
I have a new Weiss Kreuz website! It's not finished yet (we still need to put up the fanfic page), but it's getting there. So please take a lookie and let me know what ya think of it. http://wksluts.dk3.com

Stick it in

aww... [04 Aug 2002|09:18pm]
[ mood | touched ]

My honey sent me this e-mail tonight:

My Love, before I go to sleep tonight, I want to tell you how much a love you. I want to thank you for these last few months. You might not know it, or believe it, but you have been a great addition to my life. Right now, I can't imagine my life without you. I need you more than anything right now. No matter how hard it gets. No matter how difficult things may become, I will always be here for you. You and I are going to be together forever. We just have to hang on and remember how much we care about each other. Please sleep well tonight and dream good peaceful dreams of us and the baby.

1screw| Stick it in

[04 Aug 2002|05:04pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Yesterday, I got some shoes to go with my wedding dress. They're really pretty. They kind of resemble ballet slippers. This is good. I wanted flats. No way am I wearing heels! Being pregnant, I don't want to risk taking a nasty spill. After I did that, though, I pretty much took it easy. Morning sickness is still an all day pain in my ass. My mom rented "the Royal Tenenbaums" last night, which was really funny. Our friend/nutritionist (and my second mom) Kathy came over and watched it with us.

Today has been rather productive, in a non-productive way. heh My friend Isa and I got a lot of work done on our page. It's up now, but unfinished. It should be ready for viewing tomorrow. I can't wait! ^_^

Stick it in

[02 Aug 2002|07:38am]
[ mood | just here ]

I went to the doctor the other day, and everything is just fine with baby and me! ^_^ And you know what else? I'm not allowed to lift anything over 10 pounds, so moving will be a snap for me! I'll have little worker bees to do my bidding. *laughs evilly*

Yesterday, Cat came over and helped me organize things for the move. She was a big help. I'm glad she came.

Let's see...what else? Oh, yeah! I wrote fics. By myself and with Cat. But you knew that already. Have you read them yet?

That's about it. Isn't my life exciting?

Stick it in

[01 Aug 2002|10:36pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

I just finished chapter one of a new fic with my friend. (We have a new pen name exclusively for our collaborative works on ff.net) Anyhoo, this one is really, ahem, interesting. Read and review, onegai shimasu.

Stick it in

[01 Aug 2002|02:57pm]
[ mood | creative ]

Chapter three of "the House Guest" is up. http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=868612

Stick it in

[01 Aug 2002|08:24am]
[ mood | nauseated ]

I'm really going to try and keeping whining to a minimum here. You already know how morning sickness has knocked the life out of me, and how uncomfortable I am. You'll just get bored if I keep complaining. I guess you wouldn't understand how I feel. Most of you (the people who read my journal) have never been pregnant. Just remember these posts when you decide to have a baby. Pregnancy is not a comfortable thing. But I don't mind. I'm going through all of this for my little one, and I love them already.

1screw| Stick it in

Confirmation! [31 Jul 2002|07:23am]
[ mood | smug ]

You know what I mean...^_^

1screw| Stick it in

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